Daddy Who??? - Age 10

When I was 10 years old it was still safe to ride your bike to school. I stood on the front porch and waved goodbye to my mother one sunny school day. It seemed like any other day as our little beach town was busy with cars and the trash crew was making their rounds. My mother looked at the trash crew and began screaming and ran into the house. She immediately pulled me out of school and we moved an hour away. At the time I did not understand why I was being taken from all my friends and my incredible school. I learned quickly what it is like to run from your past. You see, my mother recognized one of the trash men as my biological father. Apparently there was a death threat against our lives by him. He made a lifetime goal to find us. My mother was so frightened. She had been dating a man for several weeks named Art. They decided that considering the dangerous situation she was in, they should move in together immediately. Art had a 4 year old son as well. Hence, I gained a step dad and a brother all within a week. It was such a bizarre time. Art did not like me and he made that VERY apparent. He thought I talked too much and took up too much of my mother's attention. We moved from the beach town to a trailer infested with rats. I remember them moving the bunk bed away from the wall and into the middle of the floor so the rats couldn't get us in our sleep. It was a nightmare! Worse, I was transferred to a new school where I was a white minority. All I wanted to do was move back to the beach with my Grandmother Angelina and get the heck out of dodge. The demographic was VERY different and I was not adjusting. Considering the terror of realizing I had a father that I didn't know (Jack), who was trying to kill us, I had a new step dad (Art) who clearly hated me, and I missed Rob (the only father I ever knew). I felt safe with Rob. He represented the ONLY stability in my life! My Stepmother Rose (Rob's wife) would drive an hour into Hell to pick me up each Friday to take me to stay with them for the weekend. I loved being back at the beach. I remember crying and being so sad to go back to "The Lake" where my mother was playing house with a stranger. This was the beginning of the end for me. I became emotionally retarded at this point. I lost the ability to cry and began to feel an internal RAGE. I was so angry and I had no outlet. I begged my mother to let me live with Rob and Rose (Dad #2). She always refused. Rob and Rose came to the trailer to speak with my mother and Art to see if they would let me move in with them. My mother said "you are NOT taking my child". I know she regrets this now. I was so lonely and so hurt. I missed my home, my friends and my family. I was a stranger in my Mother's home. I never went to counseling to deal with being sexually abused several years earlier, then the move and all the terror at "The Lake". It was too much for a 10 year old to deal with. Whenever I complained to my Mother she always said "I asked you if you wanted a new daddy and brother and you said 'Yes'". After hearing that for so long, I realized that it was no use, and possibly even my fault for our situation. I took responsibility that Jack was trying to kill us and our current living situation with the step dad who hated me in the rat infested house. Let the Games Begin!