My Mother...My Friend
I really want to take some time to describe my mother. She was a 17 year old mom and I was a child conceived in the Vietnam era when men left their "best girls" to fight for our country. She was a raving beauty. She had long blond hair that seemed to flow forever. She had long tone legs and she turned every head. I would watch her put on her makeup and I always thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I wanted to be just like her! She had the most lady like hands. I would always touch them and wish my hands were like hers....Guess what...They are!My dad was away for the first year of my life. When he came home to his young wife and baby girl he was a drug addict and completely different. He beat her so badly that he left her for dead with me in the crib crying. He left the apartment and she became conscious and she grabbed all she could in about 5 minutes and left. She was on the missing persons list for 2 weeks. I can not imagine the horror she must have felt being so young. She never saw him again until she decided to marry Daddy #2. They met him in a bar and threatened him to sign over paternity to my new dad so I could be adopted. He signed, I was adopted and my name was changed so he could never find me. He made it his life ambition to find my mother and I and hurt us. Really scary guy! I shiver to think I have his genealogy!
My mom married an upper class gentleman (so she thought) and now that I was adopted, she settled in to what she thought would be a happy secure life. The problem was, she chose the same sort of man in a different package. That is the funny thing about women who are abused. They choose the same guy over and over until they get a clue. Sadly, she never got the memo and continued to pursue men who hurt her and took advantage. She thought she had me in a safe environment, however, I was physically and emotionally abused by Daddy #2. Her heart was broke when she realized that she walked her sweet child right into the lions den. When the abuse became too much, and it began to break my little spirit, she became strong AGAIN...And told him to get out. Once again she was a single mommy.
She was like so many other single mom's. She worked 2 and 3 jobs to make ends meet. She drove old cars that always broke down and waited for the support checks that always came too late. I remember a Christmas when she took an abandoned bike and painted it yellow so I could have the bike I wanted. Times were tough and food was always low...Scary We moved to Alabama looking for a better life, only to have found a sexual predator. The guilt she felt was enormous. We packed and moved...AGAIN! I began to think my name was "Who Are You?" The positive side was that I had ample opportunity to develop skills in making new friends!
When she met Daddy #3, she was completely broken, scared and hopeless. She did not know what to do. She could not seem to make ends meet and really wanted help. I understand that many single mom's go through this sort of thing. She made really bad choices, but at the time, she saw no other options. I do not blame her. I forgive her. I just refuse to make the same mistakes she made. I have learned and lived through many of the consequences of her actions. She is a kind loving woman who lost her teenage years and young womanhood raising a child. I don't know that I could have done any better.
My mom married an upper class gentleman (so she thought) and now that I was adopted, she settled in to what she thought would be a happy secure life. The problem was, she chose the same sort of man in a different package. That is the funny thing about women who are abused. They choose the same guy over and over until they get a clue. Sadly, she never got the memo and continued to pursue men who hurt her and took advantage. She thought she had me in a safe environment, however, I was physically and emotionally abused by Daddy #2. Her heart was broke when she realized that she walked her sweet child right into the lions den. When the abuse became too much, and it began to break my little spirit, she became strong AGAIN...And told him to get out. Once again she was a single mommy.
She was like so many other single mom's. She worked 2 and 3 jobs to make ends meet. She drove old cars that always broke down and waited for the support checks that always came too late. I remember a Christmas when she took an abandoned bike and painted it yellow so I could have the bike I wanted. Times were tough and food was always low...Scary We moved to Alabama looking for a better life, only to have found a sexual predator. The guilt she felt was enormous. We packed and moved...AGAIN! I began to think my name was "Who Are You?" The positive side was that I had ample opportunity to develop skills in making new friends!
When she met Daddy #3, she was completely broken, scared and hopeless. She did not know what to do. She could not seem to make ends meet and really wanted help. I understand that many single mom's go through this sort of thing. She made really bad choices, but at the time, she saw no other options. I do not blame her. I forgive her. I just refuse to make the same mistakes she made. I have learned and lived through many of the consequences of her actions. She is a kind loving woman who lost her teenage years and young womanhood raising a child. I don't know that I could have done any better.
posted by Warrior Princess | Friday, December 30, 2005
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